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22 December 2008 @ 12:32 pm

I've been f***ed royally by majority of my major family members. My mom (didn't expect it from here of all ppl), my sister Evie (she didnt do anything to me per se, but her actions piss me off none the less), my horrible brother Braulio (he is such an ass,and i dont really see him as my brother)...  I have been depressed... crying every day when i'm alone. Feeling bad about myself even though i didn't do anything wrong. I'm such a nice person, but lately i've been holding my feelings in to not confrontate with ppl, and thats not being true to who i am. So its time for a change! I've been constantly taken advantage of for being a good person, a person who doesn't like to say no because i'm kind. But i get told no for the simplest favors i ever ask for!!! No more. I am going to stay true to who i am and to my feelings. I am no longer going to put others feelings before my own. I am no longer going to be made a sucker of. Do not take my kindness for weakness....no more.They bought out the ghetto beast inside me... a part of me that i hid for so long because i've grown up...but they gotta see who i am. Thati i'm not taking their shit no more. I am going to get on my grind and study for my GED (i swear to my son i am going to try my best to be the best i can be). Once i do get it, i am going to take this medical billing course thats downtown for free so i can work doing that (i heard they get paid decent)... the program is 3 months and they help you find work. When i get there, i'm going to look back at the haters and say ,"told you so,"... and if they ask me for anything they gonna get a "hell no!" I know i am capable of so much, i've just been so depressed... =( But i'm not doing this for me anymore, because just to do if for me wouldn't be enough motivation. I'm doing this for Elias and Kelvin. To help make life easier for them...for us. I'm going to stop feeling sorry for myself and do something about it! I can't depend on anyone but myself, a job and a life aren't just going to fall into my life. I can't wait to get started...gotta get my boobie into daycare...1 day at a time.....

Amanda, i just wanna say thanks sooo much for being here for me. I know i've been extra naggy and i always vent to you (and i know you have your own shit to deal with)...but i just want you to know i appreciate you so much. Thank god your my sister, because you keep me focused and you clear my head when i need it. You look out for me when you can, and i can't say that about any other of our siblings. Hopefully you get to come with us on vacation, WE BOTH need it! =) Thanks for being awesome since 1983! Lmao. Luv you sis!  
Current Location: on my boo-tay'
Current Mood: optimisticoptimistic
Current Music: Elias talking
19 December 2008 @ 10:19 pm
I literally don't know what to do with myself... I mean, i know its me against the world, but me against my family? I try to be a good person, and i try to help who i can... and its never enough. I try to show i appreciate all the help i've ever gotten or still get, but it goes unnoticed... I'm just tired. Tired of feeling this way. Tired of always being treated like the bad guy. What have i done to deserve this? I literally cried every day for 1 week and a half... i feel so lost. I'm an honest person, a reliable person, a genuine person. I'm not a liar, i speak my mind. Is that so wrong? Is that why this is (because i'm very opinionated)? Right now i'm here, trying these words, listening to music. I need a new ipod...music drowns out everyone for me, and its like a whole other world to me in a sense...it calms me down. I just don't know what to do. I don't feel like waking up sometimes, but i have to. Without Elias, idk what i'd do. =( I'm at a loss for words.... thats all i can say...
Current Location: la la land
Current Mood: confused=(
Current Music: Single Ladies- Beyonce
17 December 2008 @ 08:36 pm
( You are about to view content that may only be appropriate for adults. )
Current Location: sitting down being pissed
Current Mood: pissed offwith reason
Current Music: Superhuman- Chris Brown ft Keri Hilson
12 August 2008 @ 10:54 pm
Sooo, i haven't posted in mad long, Amanda calculate for me cuz i'm too lazy right now please? LOL, again offering your services. :) Thats love! If thats true i'm sure your like "love me less then bitch!" lmao. IDK what to say, ummm...i found a really cool park for Elias, well Lisa discovered it and then invited me to go. I love it! Its perfect for him, the jungle gym isn't too high for him, they even have the grown up swings but their smaller, so Elias knows how do it it :) its cute. They have these rocking things, one singe one and one double one. Its really cute. And its enclosed, so he can run around and i don't have to chase him. Most of the moms there always close the gates when they enter and leave, but one b**** left the gate open, and Elias was running to it, so i had to run mad fast and grab him b4 he ran out! Ppl these days, have no common courtesy!

Elias is right here, coloring for me. I'm trying to get him to color something really cool for his "titi manda" lol. But all his masterpieces consist of a few lines here and there, in one color, and thats it. Boring, lol. If the lines were all over the place and different colors that would be cool. I tell him "use this color" after he's using orange forever, and he's like ,"shut up mommy" WOW!

So Great Adventures is this Saturday, i'm excited. :) Yes, i'm a dork, but oh wells. I'm going to try and force myself and more rides then last time, i'm chicken shit. The 1st time i literally cried on SuperMan Ultimate Flight! Kelvin is like ,"I know your not crying!" lmao. Oops, my bad dude. And we got on Batman, Skull Mountain (but that doesn't count cuz thats not a upside down roller coaster), Congo Rapids (obviously not a roller coaster but i love that ride!) and thats it cuz we got rained out. I'm going to try and get on El Toro, the "fastest,steepest wooden roller coaster in the world!" lol, and Nitro doesn't even flip and last time we went Kelvin got on and i didn't! Its that that hill and drop is high as fuck! And Kelvin said he's getting on Kingda Ka! He's got a death wish...i wanna see this. I might cry for him!"  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=so8WmIpzxws Look at that! There is no way i'm getting on that, NO WAY IN HELL.

So, Amanda is coming home, yay!!!! I'm so bored without her, cuz my dad is like "we're not doing anything til she comes back, when she comes back then we'll go to Rye Playland and do some fun stuff" WOOOOOOW! lmao. But i know what he means, b4 Aidan has to go to school he needs to have fun with his nieces and nephews! Anyways, i think thats all for now! Byes  
Current Location: on my ass :)
Current Mood: for once
Current Music: Elias crying, lol
Hey peeps! Nothing new, my birthday passed, 19 yrs old now. Damn i feel old! LOL! J/K, i think.... Okay, this post is deticated to hotness. Yes, hot celebs, i feel like talking about who i think is hot, i'm gonna go down the list, share ur thoughts and tell me wat u think. Here we go

1.) Nicholas Cage (especially in Ghost Rider, omfg!)
2.) Stuart Townsend (Lestat in Queen Of The Damned, so sexy, i'd let him bite my neck anytime!)
3.) Heath Ledger (IN 10 Things I Hate About You)
4.) Paul Rudd (Clueless, Knocked Up)
5.) Brian J White (In the Family Stone and Stomp The Yard, omg those abs!)
6.) James DeFranco (In all the spider man movies, so fine!)
7.) Ryan Phillipe (In Cruel Intentions and still now he's fine as hell! OMG!)
8.) Rick Gonzales (Illegal Tender, jesus!)
9.) The Rock Johnson (The Game Plan, i loooove him)
10.) Brendan Frasier (Bedazzled, The Mummy....damn...i wish...lol)
11.) Chris Brown aka my future hubby
12.) Bow Wow (mmmmm)
13.) Shia Lebouf (Transformers)
14.) Paul Walker (Fast And The Furious)
15.) Vin Diesel (The Pacifier, oh lord!)

OK, add to the list or let me know who you think IS or ISN'T hot fro this list! Its a poll ppl, a poll... VOTE OR DIE! lol

My sister bought my son a stroller, i gotta pick it up tomorrow EARLY cuz they close early on Saturdays. Me, Kelvin, Elias and hopefully Chris are going to Great Adventures on Sunday, i'm so hype i can't wait! Piece Out!

Current Location: on my ass
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
10 July 2008 @ 09:53 am

So, sorry i haven't posted in a while. I just joined this other site called CafeMom. I like it. Not to say i don't like livejournal though, i like livejournal cuz i can type out my feelings everyday if need be, and i could there but trust me, its not the same. So, the 27th we're supposed to be going to Great Adventures, and i'm so excited because i've been REALLY wanting to go there. But money, like everything else is always an issue. And i hate asking my dad for money, even though he tells me ALL the time if i need money tell him, and i don't ever get to do anything for me, i don't get the opportunity to go places like that and enjoy myself. Thats how i see it, and i asked him for money and he went OFF on me! I was crying, mind you we were bbq'ing outside...and everyone was staring at me and asking me if i was ok. "Why you worried about that when you got to worry about Elias?" That stung. I think that to myself all the time, thats why i never do anything for me. So him saying that hurt bad...i hate thinking about myself because i ALWAYS put Elias 1st, and i do just once, i want to have fun, and thats what i hear. Something i tell myself all the time if i ever think about buying a shirt or a pair of sandals or whatever it may be. He said it like i do this often, like i spoil myself. I think about EVERYONE else but myself...so in my head i was like ,"are you fuckin' kidding me right now?" I was mad upset, i called Amanda and told her because i tell her everything. She understood because she been there. But it still hurts, like my eyes are watering up just typing about it. I can't believe that as much as i talk to my dad and hang out with him, that he should KNOW that i don't have shit, don't do shit, and thats what he thinks of me? And my birthday is in a week (exactly 7 days) and i'm like yay my b'day! But i know its going to be a depressing, boring day. That fuckin sucks. It is what it is... 
Current Location: you tell me
Current Mood: blahblah
Current Music: Take You Down by Chris Brown aka my husband
Quote Of The Day: "Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway."

To start, the quote, don't abide by that, its just sounds funny. Also, my title, WTF!? But I'm not changing it cuz it sounds funny to me too.

    So today i can tell is going to be a loooong day. I just finished reading
Elias his last Library Book, so we're going to return them and take out more. I'm
also going to take out a GED prep book. I can't wait for Amanda to come back, she
can help me study and stuff. I SUCK ass at math, and she's good at it. And i
remember when she was still living here, i was in school, and she would help me with
my math homework and she wouldn't get frustrated with how long it took me to
get something. So yay! LOL.
    I forgot to mention in the previous entry WHAT bought on my dads
mid-life crisis. My mom told him he got a letter in the mail for AARP! Damn yo.
When he told me that, i was dying! He laughed a little bit too, but then he got mad
serious. Awww,my daddy is having a mid-life crisis. Well, yelling ages you. I
should tell him that. LOL. I wonder what he'd say to that...
    I bought Elias a pack of small water guns for the barbecue we had on
July 3rd. He's crazy, yesterday night i was in my in-laws house, and he goes to
his grandma with the gun, puts it to her hard (mad hard) and says, "Give me your
money!" She doesn't speak English but she of course understood that. We were
all dying. Then he did it to his grandpa. And everyone in the room. When he got to
Mariela she tells him she doesn't have any, and she put her arms up, and he "shot"
her. LOL. Elias is fuckin funny.
    So, yesterday was the first episode to a show i already fuckin love
because its hilarious, and there is hot guys. "I Love Money". Its a competition show
to win $250,000. It features some 17 of the past contestants from the following
3 shows. "I Love New York 1 and 2," "Flavor Of Love 1 and 2" and "Rock Of Love 1
and 2." So you know there is going to be LOTS of drama, LOTS of hooking up, and
LOTS of cursing and people getting hurt. My kind of show. The 1st episode,
Midget Mac gets eliminated. He was such an ass! You gotta watch it,seriously, its
hilarious. And the competitions are crazy, being high over water on a beam with
rods that you gotta go head to head and knock someone off with. Eating crazy shit.
Its crazy. Watch it ya'll. Thats all for now, i'm going to try to get Eli to take a nap
so i can.
06 July 2008 @ 09:12 am

Quote Of The Day: "  Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils " -BMR

SO, to start off, my 1st quote! Following in my seezdurs foot steps. LOL. The quote is so true.

I am soooo excited! Amanda is going to be able to stay in the 1st floor apartment at my uncles house. But sometime along the line they might have to sell the house...which is sad. That house has been apart of the family forever. I remember when we were younger, and every weekend we used to go to my grandmothers house, and every holiday. I remember Grandpa being there, and we'd ask him for 5 dollars and he didn't realize he'd give us 10 or 20. There is mad memories there. I didn't see this even coming up you know? It sucks. My dad is under a lot of stress about it. So is my uncle. I can't see someone else living there...and i didn't think I'd care so much but I'm tearing up thinking about it. I always call that Wella's house or Grandpa's house, and Grandpa isn't here anymore, so the thought of losing it is hard. Hopefully something can be done...only time will tell. I'm trying not to think about that happening. I'm just looking forward to Amanda coming back, and helping them fix up the apartment and backyard up.

My dad called me last night, we were on the phone for like half hour, which is long for my dad. LOL. He's going through a mid-life crisis people! He's realizing he's getting old, and now wants to lose weight, build muscle, eat right and quit smoking completely. I mean my dad looks good for his age, besides the beer belly he looks healthy. When the backyard is done he's thinking about concreting the backyard, but i'm going to talk to him and tell him to concrete only half of it, and leave the dirt in the far back of the yard, for plants or somethin'. He wants to make the backyard into something for him and the kids. Maybe throw a HUGE barrel full of balls and cars and toys for the kids, a basketball hoop, a small inflatable pool for the summer, a small slide or swing set. And he want equipment to work out back there. Thats a really good idea. I can imagine being back there, working out while the kids are playing and running around, and its gated and keep the door to the house closed so they can't escape and you don't have to chase anyone. LOL. Thats great.

I am sooo curious to see the apartment. My dad has the tendency to over exaggerate things,but he says they messed it up and its "unlivable." Flesh eating mold or some shit, thats unlivable. A few holes in the wall, rusty pipes, fucked up rug, easily fixable. But i haven't seen it so i wouldn't know. But my sister has expressed some interest in hopefully being able to buy the house off of my uncle and still rent the apartments out, so my dad and grandma and my uncle and his family don't have to leave. But one issue, the only apartment left, the downstairs, is a 1 bedroom. But i think that for a year it wouldn't be so bad. Like buy it, then stay there for a year to keep saving to move out and get an apartment and still rent the apartments out. We'll see what happens. Shit, I'd stay there for 2 or 3 years. LOL. Because fixed up, its a really nice apartment. And it isn't too bad. I share a room with Elias anyway, so I'm used to it and its not bad. And its not forever, like its not like I'm going to be sharing the same room with my son til' he's in high school. Just stay in that apartment until you save up a lot that you can afford a bigger apartment. And the schools in queens are good. Its doable i think.

So, i am soooo excited about going to Six Flags on the 26th. I never get to go out and do anything for myself. Always around here, it feels like prison. Even though Elias is coming with us, I'm still excited. I like to see him having fun because it makes me feel good. I HAVE to take pics. Chris is coming too, he said he'll watch Elias while Kelvin and I get on rides, because he's chicken shit and doesn't want to get on anything. LOL. I'm chicken shit too, but once you get on one you can get on more. NOT ANYTHING THOUGH. Like Kingda Ka, Kelvin said he's getting on, you gonna have to knock me out to get my ass on that thing, never in my life!

So i was talking about my wedding, and i can't wait to plan it all. I'm so excited about the YACHT part, thats so fun. And at night, the skyline is soooo pretty and its romantic on the water. I'm going to have bridesmaids, Amanda, Genesis, Mariela, Isabella, and Lisa. I want the color to be like a dark purple, but not too dark, and not light. Like a plum color. And i'm getting a corset top dress but its going to be princess poofy like on the bottom. But of course i'm not wearing that the whole night. I'm going to change into clubbing clothes, lol, to dance. And my bridesmaids can wear whatever after that, they just have to wear a corsage so people know their the bridesmaids. Amanda offered to do the invitations. But some yacht rental lines offer free invitations, so we'll see when that time comes. I can't wait. And i don't want Kelvin to wear a FULL tux. I want him to wear a button down with a vest and tie, and a pair of seven jeans, or ed hardy jeans, something expensive with white shoes or white uptowns. He's lucky to have a wife like me, other women would make their man wear a Tux. Thats so not him, and so not me. And my cake has to have caramel mousse or some type of coconut or chocolate mousse in there. And i want a crystal BK on the top of the cake. I know it sounds expensive, but thats why i have Amanda. She'll help me keep track of expenses and help me choose between deals and stuff. LOL. Anyway, thats all for now!

Current Location: on my ass
Current Mood: energeticenergetic
Current Music: "Pulling Me Back" by Chingy
05 July 2008 @ 05:40 pm
Good Times
I'm tired of talking about how stressed i am, how angry i am with fake ass people,
how depressed i feel sometimes. I want to take a trip down memory lane, when
times weren't so stressful. Like when i had Elias. My due date was January 28th, i
had him EXACTLY 1 week after my due date. He did mommy a favor, coming out
before they induced me. LOL. I went to the GYN February 3rd, at 9 in the
morning. She did a stress test, but Elias was sleeping and not trying to get up. So
she put this machine on my stomach, it sends a vibration to the baby, as soon as she
put that thing on my stomach Elias kicked me so hard, she felt it and saw it. She
told me i was 2 CM dilated, and that they would induce me tomorrow if i didn't
come in my own. She massaged his head to see if she could "get things going." And
sure enough she did. As soon as i left her office i started having contractions. I'm
sure some women would of walked back into the hospital, but i knew better. Kelvin
was mad scared. LOL. It was too cute. I wasn't though. So we get home, 10 in the
morning and i wanted to sleep. So i did. Woke up at like 3, still having consistent
contractions, still calm as can be. Watched TV, called people, like nothing was
going on. Then we forgot, we hadn't yet bought the carriage and car seat. And we
realized this at 8 at night! So we walk to Graham and go to S&M and bought the
travel system. The women in S&M goes, "awww congratulations! When are you due?"
And i told her ,"any minute, literally, i'm in labor." and that smile wiped off her
face so quick. It was funny. She said ,"omg are you serious!? Don't have the baby
here." No shit lady, you think i wanna give birth here, with no Epidural!? LOL. So
we get home, its like 9 at night. My contractions were soooo close together, and i
couldn't walk through them anymore. But i was hungry, and i know the drill. I was
not leaving unless i ate something 1st. So we order pizza. After i eat Yvette and I
put the stroller and the car seat together. I was really uncomfortable, and the
contractions didn't hurt too bad it was just that they were sooo close together it
felt like i couldn't get a break. And like i said, i couldn't walk through them, but i
was able to talk through them, kind of. At 11 we finally call the ambulance and head
to the hospital. My contractions were 4 minutes apart, and they were for A LONG
time. I'm figuring i'm like 5 centimeters or some shit, to find out i'm still 2. I
couldn't believe it. Lucky for me i stood home all that time. About 2 am i get my
happy drugs so i can get some rest. They say epidural usually lasts 2 hours at a
time, but i slept for 4 hours pain free so idk. 6 am, more happy drugs. But after
the epidural when they gave me more drugs, i still felt the contractions. The
anesthesiologist didn't understand why. He shot me up with 3 drugs within half
an hour, which is TOO MUCH. The last 1 he gave me he said increased my chances
of having a c-section, so when he came back and i was still feeling the contractions
i just told him i was ok, that i could deal with them. And i could, i just didn't want
to feel Eli's head come out. I couldn't feel my legs AT ALL. I couldn't move them
either. It felt soooo weird. From 6am to 7pm i couldn't feel my legs, thats how much
drugs i had. It was insane! I was praying Elias didn't come out droggy or anything.
And he didn't. At 11 am i was 7 centimeters. My GYN pops the "rest" of my water,
because she said there was a little pouch of water left. My water had broke on
its own b4 that though, at like 8 am. As soon as she did that the contractions
were "full speed" even though it didn't hurt too bad. I started to feel the urge to
push almost immediately, and she goes, i just checked you, you were 7. I said ,"just
check again, i have to push" and she did, and to her surprise, i was 9.5 centimeters.
By the time they set up and got everything ready i was 10. So at 11:52 am i start to
push. I remember when we first walked into the Labor and Delivery area, i heard
a women SCREAMING her head off and crying that "it hurts!" Me and Kelvin looked
at eachother and i whispered to him, don't know if he heard me ,"you owe me big
time." LOL. People think i'm crazy, but i wish i could rewind and do it all over again.
Labor and Delivery was this crazy roller coaster and i liked it. So, after 1 hour and
8 minutes of pushing, Elias was born at 1pm on the dot. I didn't even feel his head
come out, she had to TELL me to stop pushing. He had SOOOO much hair, and that
 1st day he looked just like Kelvin. Oval face, chinky eyes, V shaped chin, it was
insane! And the meds didn't make him droggy. He was up the whole time after he
was born. At 1pm i gave birth, and at 5 pm they came down to move me to the Post
Partum unit, and Elias was still up, eyes wide open. I wanted to record it all that
day, but Kelvin didn't want to. Next time he has no choice, he's going to record. I
wanted to see it for myself, when your experiencing it its not the same. Like what
the doctors and what Kelvin saw was different then what i felt and what little i
saw. I'm still pissed that he didn't record it. I was so over whelmed with emotion!
And i hated to see him cry, it made my heart shatter. I breast fed that 1st night,
he stood with me until about 4 am and then i bought him to the nursery because i
was soooo tired. And he did well that night with the breast feeding, and it went
sour after that. For the 1st month he was getting mostly formula, but i also
breastfed at least twice a day. My boobs were so engorged that the milk was
coming out so fast and he either choked or it squirted him in the face. I laugh at
that now, he used to start crying even louder, like i was teasing him on purpose
or something. When they took him for his circumcision i started crying, because i
know that thats painful and i kept thinking about it the whole time he was gone. I
called my mom in a panic, i was like ,"mom you need to hurry up. They just took him
to get circumcised, and i don't want to be alone with him when he comes back. I
feel so bad." and mom was like ,"omg Bianca he's gonna be ok." like i was over
exaggerating or something. They circumcised him the same day we came home! Thats
why i was pissed. But the day before that, when Kelvins parents and sisters came,
it was so cute. Kelvins dad was afraid to hold Elias because he said ,"he's too small."
and my mom put Elias in his arms anyway. He held him for 2 minutes and passed him
to Genesis. Kelvins parents bought me a rose and some balloons. Mariela and his
mom were the most excited. They came to my house EVERY single day for like 2
months after Elias was born. And Iris would take him to her house like every
other day, she'd come and get him and bring him back. Mariela writes about Elias
for school and stuff. They told me when Mariela heard i gave birth she started
dancing around the house saying ,"yo soy tia, yo soy tia!". LOL. I remember recently
coming across a paper she wrote for school, and the question she had to answer
was "what is the most exciting thing that has happened to you?" And she wrote
about becoming an aunt and how much she loved Elias. And he loves her too. She's
the 1st 1 he asks for when we go up there. And he'll play fight with her and stay
with her. He Loves Mariela! I miss the newborn and infant days. LOL. But i 100%
enjoy these days as well. They're both different. Back then was easier then now.
Elias has his personality now, he's a fighter, tough, smart, hyper. LOL. And spoiled.
Drama king to the fullest. But he's ALL mine and i love him, mean bad or what ever,

no matter what. MOMMY LOVES YOU ELIAS!   
Current Mood: calmcalm
Current Music: Ne-Yo: "So Sick"
04 July 2008 @ 02:52 pm

I'd have to say my family. My son and his father, my parents, my sisters and nieces and nephews, and my brother Anthony (even though he can be annoying sometimes). Of course at the top of the list is Elias. But i can't pin point people, like this person is a 9 out of 10. LOL. Its all equal. And as much as my family disagrees, and argues, and sometimes just do fucked up shit, i still love em. But i don't like all my family. I can write a book on some people and how much i can't stand them. I have anger issues people. I do. If i talk about someone i can't stand i wanna punch things, and i get so pissed! The old me used to fight in school and i stopped being like that. So when I'm angry i hold it in instead of doing the old me. And when it keeps on i just burst. I feel like the old me is sometimes better, because i at least dealt with the issues, and people knew i wasn't a game. I mean I'm a mom so of course I'm not going to go around knockin' people out for any little thing, lol. Thats what i avoid. Oh and people know what tick me i think. Like if someone mentions Elias in anything, or insinuates I'm a bad mom i fuckin' flip. I'll beat someones ass, SERIOUSLY. I'm so defensive, i don't like anyone talking about Elias in a negative way. And I'm very defensive when it comes to Kelvin as well, and my mom. Well anyone i love basically. I remember being like 14, and Nina (a girl around here) was talking shit about Yvette, and picking on her and stuff, and Yvette told me. I went up to her and started getting in her face, i took my earrings, rings and bracelets off, i was ready yo! lol. And she was bothering my sister with her cousins girl too, so i told her "go upstairs, tell that bitch to bring her ass down here right now, we gonna settle this shit right now, and you bring your ass back too. Hurry the fuck up, we waitin' " and she was like, "ok, its on..." while walkin away talkin shit. I put my hair up, mad people were crowding around like ,"damn Bianca, calm down." and telling my mom not to let me do anything. But my mom said ,"she can handle herself. She gotta do what she gotta do." I loved her for that. My dad, he can fight with anyone but if i have to he always told me not to, i was a girl and it wasn't "lady like." After waiting like 10 minutes i went to her building, calling her out, but of course a no show. I didn't see her for like a month after that, and when i did she apologized to me. WOW! That wouldn't of been me in her situation. I would of come down, as a matter fact i would of just handled it right there by myself, especially with how i went to her, like i was ready to kill. Chicken shits. All talk and no action.

And i remember when Dalila (that hoe) started yelling and cursing at my mom outside, i was upstairs. Yvette came up and told me what was going on, and i went out with my PJs on. I think Dalila hit Yvette or shoved her or some shit. Benji and Victor (2 old family friends) were out there, and when i started runnin' up they already knew, so Benji grabs me. I ran around him and grabbed her shirt, but she got away. I just don't play that shit. Not with family. It was just crazy how me, the littlest 1, was the bad ass. LOL. I can't believe i was like that, even though i totally get it. And anything that went down my mom or someone would tell me because they knew i would handle it, no matter what. Like i was the family pitbull. LOL. And tons of times i punched Anthony or Braulio in their face, and they would swing back and it would be a rap, i'd fuckin flip on their ass. Those were the days. LOL. It sounds bad, but thats how i handled the frustration and stress. I can't be that foolish anymore. Oh wells. I guess its a good thing. But that me is still there, you would just have to REALLY fuck with my family or my man or my son to unleash the beast. I'm making pasta, gotta go!

Current Mood: bouncyok for today
Current Music: IPOD